dandanpaige: Lebih Segar After a Trip Home to the USA

We had a chance to enjoy some cold weather and snow at Daniel's Grandparents house in Kansas
For recent Pictures click above

Well, we made it 20 straight months in Indonesia. We have adapted into the culture, we have the language down pretty well, and everything is pretty biasa (normal). But then we went home.

This is Paige writing, just so y’all know. My opinions only, in case Daniel feels differently. Anyway, we went home. I had made a countdown chain counting down the days until we left for our big vacation. I watched as the days flew by, we gathered as many souvenirs and sambal pecel (peanut sauce) as our poor packs could take, and we headed to the USA. Our trip was great. It was everything we hoped it would be. We didn’t fill our time with too many activities; instead we spent quality time with dear family and friends. We ate food we have missed so much, drank beverages that have not been available, hugged on our dog as much as we could, and had a blast.

And then it was time to come back to Indonesia. A few days out, I started to get anxious. Picking at my nails, getting that shaky feeling deep inside that you can’t shake, no matter how much you try to push it out. Our last night, I broke down, luckily in front of a friend who was able to sit there and let me sob. It was a horrible feeling. The day we left, I sobbed multiple times, once in front of a vet’s waiting room where I was giving Dingo back to his host mom. (After the fact, it occurred to me that people probably thought I was dropping off Dingo to be put down. Haha! Luckily not).

The thing is, I DO like it here. We are extremely fortunate to have such a bizaro experience and for the most part, it’s been great. The problem though, was I loved being home too. I loved having that extra level of comfort that I don’t always have here. Not just cold weather, comfortable beds, soft couches, but relationships from people that are like me. We have a few deep friendships here (Teo, Margareth, Heru, Lusi, Ana) and I absolutely love them. But there is still always a slight disconnect simply because we are from a foreign place. My childhood was not like their childhood. A lot of times my humor is not like their humor. Many times during a conversation I just pretend to laugh, either because I have no idea what they are saying, or what they are saying, I don’t think is funny at all.

At home, I have my family. I have my friends. I have my Dingo. I miss him sooo much, I can’t imagine what it will be like to have a baby. You know how dogs are, they only see you as perfect. Uggh enough about that. (I’m sitting in the teacher’s room, holding back tears.) Plain and simple, I miss home.

So all that being said, where does that leave me? I can say, I am ready for the next step. My school experience has been tense (really my fault, not theirs) and it’s time to start fresh somewhere new. Anyone who really knows me, knows that when it comes to fight or flight situations, I tend to mix. I look like I’m fighting, but I’m really just freaking out inside. With school I’ve learned that I needed to be a better leader from day one. I would try to be firm, and then back down, try to explain to make things better, try new activities, with/without success. Basically because I wasn’t consistent, it bit me in the butt.

I have one good relationship at school. I have acquaintances with many, but Ana is the one person I would consider a real friend. It’s taken a long time, but she will finally tell me what she is really thinking, instead of being Jawanese polite and just agreeing with me. I also know there are a handful of people who will be happy once I’m gone. In their eyes I’ve messed up too many times, and offended them on too many occasions. In my defense, I know I’ve offended them because I was trying to improve how they teach and how they live. You’re students don’t understand the topic? Hmmmm.. maybe if you go to class and explain……. In this culture though, you just pretend that there is nothing wrong, and if I did that, I wouldn’t be living up to my responsibilities.

This blog is soo erratic, sorry. I don’t even know if there is a point but I felt the need to write. I often feel like I’m not being listened to, and as a result I talk less than I used to. I feel like in America, so many people are starving to be heard that everyone just talks over each other… aka…. No one is listening. And in Indonesia, there isn’t much deep conversation either. “Where are you going?” (They don’t really need an answer) “What are you eating?” (The same thing you are eating.)

Prayer requests:

Pray that we figure out what our next step will be, and whatever it is, I learn from my experience with my school and try to be a better leader. I accept that these 2 years have been more learning for me than anything, kinda a practice round for whatever is next.

Challenge: Listen to each other. Really listen.

Below are some random videos from the last few months.